C.M. Russell
Doug Zander
Photograph 19

Trauma Bond
Rachael Gray Hawk
I keep asking myself why I did what I did.

Was it wrong? Was it right?
I don’t know. It’s complicated.

I miss your screams and fits of rage.

I miss it when you’d straighten me out.

Take me down a few pegs.

You were mean to me, so mean,
But you were always there.

What happened to, “I’ll always be here for you”?
You left me hanging.

Perhaps we shared a trauma bond because
You hurt me so much.

Maybe your kindness came in sharp words.

Whatever it was, your leaving hurt the most.

Not a day goes by that I don’t think of you.

It’s a curse.

Everything between us was spoken aloud,
No secrets, no guessing games.

Then my bliss was shattered.

You burst into flame and came
Running, running…
I held you in my arms, my soul burning.

My friend I miss your evil heart,
Your cruel love.

I miss your meanness.