Rachael Gray Hawk
I keep asking myself why I did what I did.
Was it wrong? Was it right?
I don’t know. It’s complicated.
I miss your screams and fits of rage.
I miss it when you’d straighten me out.
Take me down a few pegs.
You were mean to me, so mean,
But you were always there.
What happened to, “I’ll always be here for you”?
You left me hanging.
Perhaps we shared a trauma bond because
You hurt me so much.
Maybe your kindness came in sharp words.
Whatever it was, your leaving hurt the most.
Not a day goes by that I don’t think of you.
It’s a curse.
Everything between us was spoken aloud,
No secrets, no guessing games.
Then my bliss was shattered.
You burst into flame and came
I held you in my arms, my soul burning.
My friend I miss your evil heart,
Your cruel love.
I miss your meanness.